Monday, January 28, 2019

That Time I Went Skydiving

While sorting through some miscellaneous photos, I found these gems. My heart literally skipped a beat. Well, at least it felt like it. I immediately started thinking about how adventurous I was before getting married and having kiddos and how sad it was that I'm just a big ball of anxiety now. But then I stopped for a second and realized that's not true. I mean, yes, I am more cautious and I definitely went through some PPD & PPA  and probably have been some form of anxious most of my life, but who I am didn't change when I said "I do" or when I pushed babies through my vagina. Yes, I just said that. 

I don't think I became less adventurous when I got married. Actually, I think our time together before kiddos was filled with adventure. We went on motorcycle rides, ziplining & off roading/ATVing in Kauai, took a road trip to multiple national parks without reservations and then maybe the most adventurous thing of all, we started our family really quickly. Much like jumping out of a plane. We knew we wanted to have kids but we had no idea what that entailed. We just took a leap and then let the rest happen.
My cautiousness is starting to lift. My newness as a mama isn't so new and I think I could jump out of an airplane again. Or at least take some kind of risks because that's who I am and I need to be the me that God created me to be not only for myself but also for my husband and my kiddos. I tell my children that God made them "beautiful, handsome, brave, smart, funny, courageous, strong, kind, and creative." He also made me those things and I need to show them that person. The person who jumped at the opportunity to jump out of an airplane.
As their mom, it's my job to show them how to be themselves and there isn't a better way than to be myself. As parents, we get to be their parachute. We get to hold their hands and jump with them until they have the confidence to jump by themselves. The thought of encouraging my kids to jump out of a plane terrifies me but not as much as discouraging them from doing it.

I already encourage them to jump and pick themselves up. I want them to really know that God made them brave and strong and courageous. Just last night Payton proudly ran to me to show me that she'd put her own shoes on. As she excitedly gave me a high five she said, "I'm so brave!" She may not have a full grasp on the meaning of brave but she does know that God making her brave gives her the ability to try things she doesn't know she can do.

Bravery is giving me the ability to let myself be an adventurous mom who maybe isn't the most cautious all the time. It's giving me the ability to keep moving forward when I get turned around. It's giving me the ability to be an imperfect mom, wife, and human being.
When we're debt free and planning a legit family vacation, it'll be an adventure filled with moments fueled by bravery and the personality of our own unique family.

What's your skydiving? What do you want to take a leap of bravery on?

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