Saturday, March 16, 2019

What I Regret About Our Wedding

We had a 5-week engagement and I don't regret that at all. I loved the simplicity it forced us into. There wasn't much time to try different food, change my dress, or worry too long about what kind of flowers we had. I feel it necessary to say that I have been in, helped plan, and attended weddings that took months and even years to plan and they were wonderful. However, I just knew it wasn't for me.Josh and I discussed our non-negotiables and we ended up with 3: meaningful vows, good food, and Jones Soda. 

We also had a forced non-negotiable. The budget. 

The budget dictates a whole lot about a wedding and we already had a ton of debt going into our relationship (over 200k in student loans + credit cards) so we weren't really interested in adding to that. Plus the venue I fell in love with was super small. Small budget + small venue = small guest list. 

This leads me to my only regret about our wedding. I regret how we went about our guest list. When we originally started talking wedding we made a quick guest list full of friends and family without a lot of restrictions and we ended up with over 200 people. We decided we had to come up with some guidelines to get that number lower. Some of those guidelines were: no one from out of state and only people we saw frequently. Sticking to these guidelines kept us from inviting quite a few people we really wanted there. 

We only had 5 weeks to get invitations out so there was literally zero time to flesh out our decision. There are people who I know were hurt by this, which makes me really sad because the original 200+ list only included people we loved. They all made the original list. The pre-budget list. 

Looking back, we would have broken the guidelines here and there. We would have asked two very important questions: who are the outliers? who doesn't fit these guidelines but needs to be there anyway? Quite a few people are on that list and we could have made room. 

If you're planning a wedding, please give your guest list a lot of thought. Who do you want to witness this crazy beautiful decision? Who are you going to turn to when you're struggling? When you need to be reminded of your vows? When you need someone to remind you that love is a choice? Who are those people? Those are the people you want to make sure get an invite regardless of whether or not they fit your guidelines. 

If you feel led, share what you regret about your wedding in the comments below.

Thanks for reading!


  1. Lindsey! Your wedding photos are GORGEOUS! It’s so hard reflecting back on your weddings to see if you have any regrets! I understand where you’re coming from- and I’m so glad you are sharing these with others to hopefully inspire other brides out there to do things differently!

  2. This is EXTREMELY good advice! I feel like restricting the guest list is always an issue, and I'm sorry you have regrets. Hopefully your story helps others in the same position. ♥

  3. I love this! These are all good questions to ask yourself for sure.

  4. I know when we were planning our wedding, the guest list was difficult because you want to just invite everyone! It can be tricky with a tight budget as well. You look so pretty in your photos!

  5. This may sound silly, but we had a photo booth at our wedding and didn’t get EVEN ONE PHOTO TOGETHER IN IT! Such a big regret of mine.

  6. When Ryan and I married, we made the decision to invite closest family only (parents, grandparents - only my maternal grandmother was still alive at the time), siblings, nieces and nephews and one cousin that I'm very close to (plus her kids who call me "Auntie). Aside from that, there were three women in my life that I really, really wanted there. We figured out a way to have two of them involved in our day. (In no particular order that dictates any sort of importance...)The first two- my super special former mother-in-law - who I still call "Mom" to this day and my former sister-in-law, who I still call my sister (hmmm - who could that be?). They are both very special to me and we formed a bond throughout the years I was married to their son/brother. One is grandma and one auntie to my two beautiful daughters and I wanted them there. We just couldn't figure out a way to have my former mom-in-law present. First, that was weird for my new soon-to-be-groom... second, it might have been weird for her. But, my sis-in-law was able to come before the ceremony and spend time with us while we got ready, using the reasoning that we needed her to do the girls' hair for the day! It wasn't 100% the way I wanted it, but close enough. The third person is my best friend, Amy. She introduced Ryan and I. We had a "no friends" policy, but she HAD to be there. She was the outlier you spoke of. She was the reason this union was even happening... without her we wouldn't have met. So, I helped her get her online ordainment finished and she married us! Yep - she performed our ceremony! Perfect solution!