Tuesday, June 25, 2019

1 Thing I've Been Afraid to Say About my Miscarriage

Miscarriage is a tough topic, so before I jump into what I'm finally brave enough to say about it, I want to preface this post with a message to all women who have experienced losing a baby with this:

I am sorry this is part of your story.

I am aware that like all experiences, we humans move through them differently. Your story will inevitably be different from mine and I am in no way sharing this as a way to say that all women who experience this deep loss should feel how I'm currently feeling. Please take what you like and leave the rest.

I've had this peace about my miscarriage for at least a month, maybe longer, but I haven't really shared it with anyone beyond my husband and my mom for fear of what you will think of me. But it's time to share it. I've been afraid to tell you that I'm grateful for my miscarriage. 

Please don't stop reading before I explain what I mean.

I am not grateful I lost a baby that we desperately wanted. I am not grateful that miscarriage happened to myself or anyone, however, I really do believe that we choose how we walk through life and in my current season I am choosing to be grateful. Surprisingly, I have found ways to be grateful for my miscarriage.

My miscarriage led me to...
Dig deeper in counseling
Enjoy my children
Make healthier lifestyle choices
Tackle some marital obstacles
Seek contentment
Grow at work

I am a healthier human physically, mentally, and spiritually because of my miscarriage. I am grateful for that. I am grateful that something good is coming from something ugly and painful. 

I see the time I have with my children as a gift. The energy I have to run with them fills my heart with joy.

After having two kids back-to-back, I am finally feeling like myself, something I didn't think would ever happen. I'm less depressed. I'm less anxious. I laugh more and take more risks. I'm living life in a way that is fun and meaningful and wonderful. My life is full and I am content whether we have more babies or stay the size we are.

I'm grateful for all of that growth. 

Please do not read this as me telling you to be grateful for something awful. When I first wrote about my miscarriage I was sad and in a very different place. It has been 7 months since I lost our sweet baby and in that 7 months I have grown to see the silver lining. It doesn't change the pain or the past but it does change how I show up in the world. It changes my present and my future, which in turn changes my family and my faith and for that, I'm grateful.

I'd be honored to have a conversation with you about wherever you are on your journey. You can find me on Instagram or email me from the little envelope icon at the top of this blog.

Thank you, truly, for taking the time to read these words. I may not know you, but I'm grateful for you.


  1. I love the way you see everything in your life! You are such a brave person, and so loved!!!!

    I'm so grateful for persons like you! Thanks for sharing this with us

    1. Lina, I find it is such a better way to live and I pray others will share their experiences, too! Thanks for the encouragement, girl.

  2. I love how you put that even though you dealt with pain that you grew so much from your miscarriage. A lot of women don't talk about their miscarriage and for this you are brave. Telling your story could help another!

    1. Mistle, it is my hope that others will share their stories as well because there is healing in it. Thank you for helping to spread the word!

  3. While I am very sorry for your pain, I'm glad that you've been able to find the silver lining and grow into a happier person.

    1. Beth, thank you! I'm praying the same for other women out there.

  4. I'm so sorry this part of your story. But thank you for writing such an open and honest post. We can't control what happens to us, but we can control how we handle it, and that's what you're doing.

    1. Crystal, amen! We can control how we handle it and we can choose to change how we're handling something at any point! We're not stuck. Thank you, Jesus!

  5. I'm a big believer that our trials come with a lot of blessings. My miscarriage was hard, but finding some good in the hard times can change your perspective and help you heal.

    1. Amberly, thanks for sharing a bit about your journey as well. Us mamas need to help one another not feel so alone. Thanks for joining!